Stag Night
by Music-Is-Life-88
Summary: Bruce's ankle is twisted, Clint's quiver is filled with tampons, Thor's hair is blue, Tony has a tramp stamp and Steve's wearing a dress- wait, how can Steve get drunk? Now they have to piece together what they can and answer the age old question "What happened last night?"
1. The Morning After

Tony's head was killing him.

When he tried to open his eyes, the light blinded him and he opted to just keep squinting. He tried to sit up, but his back ached like it did after a night of fighting; not only that, when he tried to sit up, it felt like he was doing a sit up. Daring to open one eye, he raised an arm to block the light from his vision and saw he was upside down, legs propped up on the couch. A couch that his friend and teammate, Clint, was also sleeping on; except his body was folded over the top of the couch so his feet were at the seat cushion while his head and arms were dangling behind. Tony looked around, trying to figure out where they were. He didn't freak out too much about Clint and him waking up hung over and in strange room since they tended to get wasted together… _a __**lot**_.

He didn't recognize the room, but did recognize the bodies of his other male teammates. Steve was in a closet, in a _dress_, leaning against the wall and using his Captain America shield as a pillow. Tony looked around for his phone to take a picture of this marvelous moment and saw that Bruce was in the king sized bed (_by himself_, Tony noted, _no surprise there…_) with only his pants on, one sock, and his purple shirt that was torn open and missing one sleeve. One by one, they all woke up.

"Oh, shit!" Clint yelled, falling behind the couch. He landed in a pile on the floor, his quiver landed on top of his head, spilling the contents all over him. He stood up to pick up his fallen arrows, but instead saw that the floor –and his quiver- were filled with… "Are those… are those fucking _tampons_?"

"Shhh!" Tony silenced the archer, tightening the grip on his head. Crap, did he have to be so damn _loud_?

Steve, startled, jumped up, hitting his head on the shelf above him and making it break. He crawled out, using his shield's cold steal as an ice pack. Bruce lifted his head from the pillow, a trail of drool connecting his mouth to it, "Waz goin' on?" Banner mumbled, rubbing his eyes,

"Tony," Steve whispered, "who's in the bathroom?"

They all looked over and saw long blue locks flowing on floor from the bathroom, "Hey, did one of us bring a lady home?" Clint asked, surprised; a suggestive twinkle in his eye despite his _very_ hung-over state.

Bruce grabbed his glasses on the nightstand and found out the right lens was broken. He watched the blurry figure of Clint go to the bathroom to wake up the person, and since Clint assumed it was a woman: most likely to hit on them too. Bruce widened his eyes as his mind slowly managed to put two and two together. _Almost_ all the male Avengers were in the room, except… "Umm, Clint, I don't think that's a wom-"

"Hey gorgeous, what are you- Ahh!" Everyone covered their ears and hissed at him to be quiet.

Clint sprinted out of the bathroom followed by a sleepy, _blue haired,_ Thor scratching his head, "Hello my friends, was that not indeed a most excellent celebration last night?"

Tony stood up and pat Clint on the back, "Hey, maybe you should head back with Steve into the closet," he teased. Clint looked up at Stark, who was trying to stretch out the kink in his back, and glared.

"Tony," Steve asked from behind the billionaire, "when did you get a tattoo?"

Tony looked down at his torso, which he now realised was shirtless, and saw nothing, "What do you mean?" Steve shuffled into the bathroom and came back out with a compact mirror. He placed Tony in front of the full mirror and held the compact mirror behind him, so Tony could see his back. Tony's eyes widened, oh… he could see it now. Peeking out from the top of his sweat pants was the head of a rose. He hurriedly pulled the waistband a bit lower and everyone gasped, while Clint chuckled. There was a snake curling around the rose, and the snake… was pink, "What the hell!" Everyone covered their ears again when he yelled, "Sorry, sorry… I'm just a bit wound up because I _**have a tramp stamp**_," he hissed, particularly at Clint, who hadn't stopped laughing,

"Tony, calm down," Bruce said, moving his legs off the bed to stand up, "I'm sure that there's a simple- ow!" He stood up and collapsed on the ground,

"What's wrong, Friend Bruce?" Thor questioned, helping Bruce back onto the bed,

"My ankle, it's twisted or sprained," He explained through gritted teeth,

"How?" Questioned Clint,

Bruce shook his head lightly, "I don't know,"

"Great, first on a long list of questions that have to be answered." Clint mumbled, "Why is your ankle sprained and why are your clothes torn off? Why was my quiver filled with tampons? Why is Thor's hair blue? Why is Steve wearing a dress?"

"Why do I have a goddamn _tramp stamp_?" Tony added, not taking his gaze away from the ink on his lower back.

Steve stepped in, "Ok, all good questions," he looked down at his skimpy black dress, "_great _questions," he corrected, "but I think I know one that tops all of them. Does anyone remember what happened last night?"

* * *

**A/N: And now it begins xD**

**Oh boys, what did you do last night? Please review, maybe tell me what you're looking forward to finding out?**


	2. Agent Coulson

"Ok, hold on. First things first; I'll check us out and call Happy to pick us up," Tony said, patting his pants to find his phone, "Huh…" he rummaged around the room, lifting up stray clothing and pieces of furniture, "Umm, where's my cell? Whatever, someone give me theirs,"

The male Avengers looked in their pockets and around the room, "I can't find mine," Clint responded,

Bruce put the pillows and blankets back on the bed from his search, "Me neither,"

"No pockets," Steve explained, tugging at the dress,

"And we all know Thor doesn't even know what it is," Tony shook his head, "Where the hell did our phones go?"

"Doesn't matter, we should check out and get Dr. Banner to a hospital," Steve instructed, his leadership skills finally pushing through his hung-over state, "… After I put on some pants,"

* * *

They had found some extra dress shirts and pants in the closet (two sizes too big, but Steve preferred them to a dress) and they went down to the main desk. Tony sauntered up, grabbing sunglasses off a guest's head who was leaving and put it on. When he reached the desk, he leaned on one arm and pulled the glasses down the bridge of his nose, "Hey, I was wondering who I should go to about lost items?"

"That would be me," A new voice from behind them.

The group turned around and Tony was the first to express hi shock, "Ph-Coulson? What the hell are you doing here?"

"Well, I needed some extra money, so I took a job here,"

"What, you're room service?"

Coulson shook his head and raised an eyebrow, "You mean you don't remember?" The group shook their head and Coulson chuckled, "Well, that's priceless,"

"Think you could fill us in?" Clint asked,

Coulson nodded, "Well, there was a Mötley Crüe concert here last night and they needed some extra security, so I hired myself out as a security officer who stands in front of the stage to make sure crazed fans don't attack them," Steve didn't miss Coulson's voice speed up in excitement, the same way it had when they first met. Captain America's senses were telling him that Coulson probably didn't need more money; he was just a huge fanboy.

"Anyways," Coulson continued, "before the concert, I went backstage to get an autogr- to… to give them a heads up that there was five minutes left…"

* * *

"_Hey guys," Coulson said excitedly, opening the door, "you're on in five," Coulson turned away from them and whispered under his breath, "I've always wanted to say that!"_

"_What? We can't go on! Tommy isn't here yet," the guitarist, Mick Mars, informed the S.H.I.E.L.D agent,_

"_I saw him go into the washroom with the girl from reception," Nikki Stixx, the bassist, teased in a suggestive tone,_

"_Well we need him now," Coulson responded, rubbing his neck nervously. He wasn't comfortable bossing around one of his (many) idols._

"_Oh hey, there he is!" Mick shouted._

_The lead vocalist, Vince Neil stood up and walked past Coulson and gripped his hands on the other man's shoulders, "Why is your hair still blonde? You need to be blue. Remember, the album is called: Red, White, and Crüe. We need a blue in there. Come on, we have some extra dye in the back," _

_From behind Coulson, Vince pulled 'Tommy' along, it wasn't until they entered the backroom that Coulson began to question why 'Tommy' was wearing some sort of gladiator costume, "Oh shi-"_

"_Coulson, places in front of stage now, the fans are coming," another officer came in and informed him. Coulson looked from the officer to the backroom and shrugged his shoulders before following the officer to the stage. The screams of the fans could be heard even from where they were, "I tell ya, some of these fans are insane. You know, some of them even tried to be a security guard just so they could get something the band touched from their change room?"_

_Coulson forced out a chuckle, "Yeah… some people, huh?"_

* * *

Clint nodded slowly, "Well, that explains Thor's hair,"

"I am curious, so this style of 'dye' is not normal?" He questioned. Everyone shook their heads, "Oh, well that's excellent news as I found it most appalling and odd; I am not fond of it."

"But wait; what does that have to do with our phones?" Tony interrupted, climbing on Thor's back to see over the crowd of Avengers in front of him. Tony was never one to be in the background.

"Oh right, well, at the concert…"

* * *

_Coulson was enjoying his time, pushing back screaming fans in a way that said 'Suck it; I get to talk to them during breaks and take their sweaty towels, jealous?' In the distance, he saw the glow of a cellphone's screen. Coulson leaned to the officer beside him and shouted in the man's ear, "I think someone's trying to videotape the concert,"_

"_Get on it," was the quick reply before the man continued to keep the fans at by. Coulson nodded and used the ninja-style dodging techniques taught to him by S.H.I.E.L.D, and pushed his way through the crowd. Finally, when he reached the spot where the glowing was, the happiness drained from his face._

_No matter how hard he tried, how was it that Tony Stark managed to ruin everything?_

"_Stark!" He shouted over the music. Tony looked down from the phone in the air and waved at Coulson with his free hand, which was holding a bottle of tequila, "what are you do-?"_

"_Hey, Agent! Wait, no, we talked about this before, there was another first name… or was it your middle name? Whatever, look, it's KISS!"_

"_First off, that's Mötley Crüe,"_

"_Eh" Tony shrugged, "old guys, loud music and long hair,"_

"_Secondly, video recording is not allowed, I'm going to have to confiscate these," Coulson easily ripped the phone out of Stark's hand. He eyed Clint fiddle in his pocket nervously and walked over. Coulson pulled Clint's hand out and took the phone from him. He walked over to Steve and Bruce, awkwardly standing still behind the other two. He put his hand out and grabbed the air expectantly. Bruce and Steve easily gave up their phones to the agent and continued to observe the concert with a critical and uncomfortable eye. Coulson finally looked over and saw Thor, with blue hair, "Thor, how did you… what happened backstage?"_

"_Well, when the fellow with amusingly long hair and layers of wrinkles took me, what did you call it… back…stage? Yes, well I explained that I was not this 'Tommy' and I was in fact Thor, son of Odin. Before they could begin their protests, the true Tommy entered the room without a shirt and his hair in an ungroomed mess who began slurring things I could not understand. One of them then clapped my back and sent me off with a used towel," Thor pulled the garment from somewhere behind him and showed it to Coulson, "Tell me, on this planet, is this a gesture of friendship or a sign of war?"_

_Coulson's eyes bugged as he stared at the towel, drool forming in his mouth. He cleared his throat and composed himself, "Well, I won't kick you out for breaking a federal law if I can have that," Coulson started the proposition with an authoritative tone then slowly began sounding desperate._

_Thor looked to his friends for confirmation before handing Coulson the towel, "A fine compromise Son of Coul,"_

_Coulson took the towel and breathed in the scent, it smelled like a successful rock'n'roll band; which mainly smelled like sweat, drugs, and alcohol, but still, this touched one or more of the members of his all-time favourite band!_

_Bruce tapped Thor's shoulder, "Thor, we've explained this before. On Earth, if your last name ends in 'son' it doesn't mean the first part is the name of your father,"_

_Coulson shook his head and walked back to the stage, stuffing the towel in his jacket. _

* * *

"And then you guys were gone by the end of the concert, couldn't find you again until now,"

Tony blinked, "… you _smelled_ the towel?"

Coulson glared, "Fine, keep being an ass, guess you don't want these," Coulson pulled the phones out and placed them on the desk with a smirk.

Tony squealed I n joy and reached for his phone, "11 missed calls from 5 different numbers…" he read aloud.

"Maybe call them back in order of who called you? That might give us better odds to finding out what happened last night," Bruce suggested from his seated spot on the couch, sensing they wouldn't be going off to the hospital anytime soon. Besides, if they did, Tony wouldn't let the doctors treat Bruce, he'd be busy making them remove the tramp stamp.

Tony nodded, "Great idea, Banner," his thumb scrolled down the page on the phone, "First Missed Call: UNKNOWN NUMBER,"

As he was about to hit redial, Clint smacked Tony's arm, "Wait! I need some breakfast," and he sped down the hall to the breakfast room, leaving the other Avengers watching with mixed expressions of shock, annoyance, and exhaustion.

* * *

**A/N Haha, oh Coulson, I love you so much, I can't believe you got Joss-ed… *If you don't know what that means, review, I can explain it ^_^***

**Thank you everyone who reviewed: **Nako13yeh**, **The ivy among roses, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, Uindo, Shiro-Shinigami, Shibo26, roolsilver, Grinning-Loki-Locked, livi16, White Lioness Spirit, JayNinjaOfLightning15, violet-phoenix-rose, Lunatic's Lament, Lady Lemons, ShardsofBrokenGlass

**Thanks to everyone who added this story to favourites: **Cap-has-Attitude ***awesome name***, cocalovu, creoipsum, dance is a spork, Dracula X, DustLight126, EmbraceYourFREAK, Erkanna, GirlIncognito99, Grinning-Loki-Locked, HellsTheTwerd, huggablelove, In Hopes Of, kd1190, OWLSCRATCH, swren1, The ivy among roses, TheGoldenTrioLivesOn, violet-phoenix-rose, miz42, ShardofBrokenGlass,

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**Thank you all from the bottom of my heart! I hope you liked this chapter!**


	3. Agent Romanoff

Clint came back with a plate of toast and Nutella, his mouth still stuffed with something else from the breakfast buffet. He plopped on the couch between Tony and Steve, "So, what did I miss?" he asked; they could barely make out the words coming from his mouth.

Tony replied sarcastically, "Thank you for joining us, hope we didn't keep you from stuffing your face," Clint defensively brought the plate closer to himself as Tony hit the redial button on the phone. He turned on the speaker and everyone leaned in to see who the unknown number was. Finally, after the second ring someone picked up,

"Hello?" A female voice came out on the other end,

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, "Who is it-"

"Natasha?" Clint spoke, once again with his mouth full of food,

"Yes, hello Clint. What do you all want?"

"How did she know we were all here?" Steve questioned, but he was ignored,

Banner spoke up, "Umm, Ms. Romanoff, could you maybe fill us in on what happened last night?"

"Yeah sure, are you in the lobby? I'll be down in a second," With that, she hung up.

Steve was still confused, "How did she know we were in the lobby?" One of the lobby's elevators opened and out stepped Natasha in her bathing suit like she was just a normal guest about to go out to the pool, "How did she get here so fast?"

"Steve, she's a specially trained and skilled assassin with amazing stealth skills. She's like… a ninja," Tony explained,

"Actually, we rented a room here when we found out you'd all be staying here,"

Clint raised an eyebrow, "'We'? Who's 'we'?"

The elevator opened again; the person begrudgingly walked out, angrily trying to straighten his Hawaiian shirt and pool shorts. Thor stood up with a shocked expression, "Brother?"

"That's Loki?" Coulson questioned, while Tony burst out into a fit of laughter.

"Keep chuckling 'Iron Man' for one day I'll melt your precious suit into scrap metal,"

"Why are you two here?" Bruce asked,

Natasha looked over to him with a look he could quite read, "Well, when Director Fury heard that you all were planning on coming here at this overly-populated hotel, where there's alcohol and plenty of situations where one may find themselves agitated, he wanted to make sure you were in a stress-free environment,"

Bruce chuckled lowly, "So he sent you to spy on me?"

"More or less,"

* * *

_Natasha sat in front of the glass containment cell. She glared at the criminal on the other side; she didn't want to be here. She should be out, doing an actual, important mission, but instead she's stuck playing babysitter to a God. Loki, sitting on the bench inside the cell, was none too happy either. Their glaring contest was cut short when Fury walked into the room. Natasha stood up respectfully to the higher officer; on the inside, though she'd never show it, she was relieved. She assumed he was here to relieve her of her guard duties and give her a real job._

_Instead, Fury simply stated, "The rest of the Avengers are confirmed to be staying at the Ritz Plaza Hotel, I'd like for you to follow them and make sure that the environment doesn't become too emotionally overwhelming," he explained, letting the final part of his sentence speak for itself._

"_Yes, sir,"_

_She began walking away when Fury's voice from behind stopped her, "Where do you think you're going?" She turned around, confused, "You're just going to leave the prisoner unguarded? That doesn't seem like a smart idea,"_

_Natasha stared at him until she finally understood what he was implying, "Sir, I'm sure that there's another agent available to-"_

"_This isn't a question of availability, this is a question of capability. You're the only person available at this time able to stand a chance against Loki," Fury walked up to her and handed her two large metal rings that looked almost like bracelets, "Place these on him, it's a proto-type from R&D that is supposed to supress his magic. He can then be treated as if he were completely human. Good luck, Agent,"_

* * *

Clint snorted as he eyed the bracelets on the God across from his, "Dude, you're wearing jewelry,"

Natasha kicked her leg out and stopped a smirk from appearing when her foot made contact with his shin, "Anyways, so after that, we came here. We spent the night watching you, making sure you didn't get overly-wasted,"

"Mission failed," Clint stated,

Steve raised his hand slightly, "Umm, yeah… speaking of that… how is it I managed to get drunk?"

"I can answer that," Loki spoke up, "While Agent Romanoff's main focus was on the monster, I was focused on Thor," Loki looked over and saw the smile creep on to his not-brother's face, "Don't flatter yourself, I wanted to make sure your behaviours were representing Gods well," he eyed Thor's blue hair, "which you clearly couldn't do," Thor frowned, "As I was saying, you were all at the bar…"

* * *

_The male Avengers occupied the bar stools as Tony grabbed the attention of the bartender, "Five glasses of the oldest Scotch you got!" The bartender nodded and began pouring the glasses, and handing them out. Bruce and Steve, who were sitting beside each other, eyed their glasses wearily, they weren't ones for binge drinking… or drinking at all. Bruce just didn't like the idea of killing all of his brain cells in the span of one night, while Steve couldn't even feel the effects of the alcohol, so what would be the point?_

_Tony came over between them, his second Scotch mostly finished, and he stared at them both, confused, "Why aren't you drinking?"_

"_Uh, Tony," Steve began, "you know I can't get…"_

"_Oh, right! Thanks for reminding me!" Tony finished his drink and asked the bartender for another as he fished out a vial from his jacket pocket. He opened it and poured it into Steve's drink,_

"_Did you just spike my drink? Right in front of me?" Steve questioned, as Tony started drinking his third glass,_

"_No, nononono," Tony started slurring, downing the rest of his drink and signalling the bartender for another, "You see, when I planned out this night, I didn't want you to be the sad… sad lil' sober guy in the corner having no fun. So, me and JARVIS whipped this up a few weeks back! For nine hours… or was it eight? Man, it could be eight hours… anyways, for eight – nine- hours, you will in fact, be able to feel the effects of alcohol,"_

"_B-b-but how-?"_

"'_Cause I'm Tony Stark," He answered, as is it were the obvious thing in the world. Steve greedily eyed the vial, it had been a while… and after all he's been through… plus, given the occasion… _

_Without a second thought, Steve grabbed the vial and poured it into his drink, chugging it down._

_As Steve began to let loose, Tony wrapped his arm around Bruce. Bruce jumped, uncomfortable from the closeness Tony put themselves in, as his hot, alcohol smelling breath burned his ear, "Bruce? You know, we… we should be __**bros**__! Are we bros, Bruce?"_

"_Uhh, I don't know what that-"_

"_We could be bros! I mean, dude, you- you want to be my bro, right?"_

"_Well…"_

"_Great! Bruce, we're gonna," Tony hiccupped before continuing, "we're gonna be such bros! Amigos! Like, bro-migos… yeah," Bruce took a long sip from his drink, trying to numb the headache that was Tony Stark, "We are both __**so **__smart! Well, I think I'm a bit smarter than you though, because the experiment I did to get my powers was this totally kick-ass suit and energy source that saved my life while yours was an over-exposure to gamma radiation that should have killed you but instead turned you into an enormous, green, rage monster…" _

_Bruce downed his glass and asked the bartender for another as Tony continued babbling, "But anyways, like, we're so good at science! I'm good at science and-and you're good at science so we… we can be science bros!"_

_Bruce began drinking his newly refreshed drink, "Sounds great, Tony"_

"_Hell ya!" Tony shouted far too loud, "Bruce, now that we're bros, there's something I gotta do," he continued, placing his hands on either side of Bruce's face and bringing him close. Bruce stared at him terrified, "I have… to get you LAID!"_

_Thor, on his who-knows-what-number giant mug of beer, watched on, amused, as Clint was flirting with a woman. The woman looked disgusted a walked away. Clint came back over to Thor and asked for another drink, "Friend Barton, forgive me if I offend, but I do not believe that woman is interested in your attempts at courting,"_

_Clint scoffed, "Please, she just doesn't realise that amazing package that is, Clint Barton. She'll come around, they all do,"_

* * *

Natasha chuckled, and Clint gave her a confused look, "What?"

"Nothing Clint," her tone was condescending, "anyways, not even ten minutes later the five of you became completely wasted…"

* * *

_Tony grabbed onto Bruce's sleeve and jumped up and down excitedly, "Let's play bumper cars! Let's play bumper cars!"_

"_I- I thought you wanted to-to get me laid?"_

"_Nooo no no no, let's go ride the bumper cars! Yeah, girls dig a man who can ride bumper cars!"_

* * *

"You thought you could get me girl by playing bumper cars?" Bruce asked disbelievingly, Tony just shrugged. The doctor shook his head and turned back to Natasha, "So, did I… did the other guy, come out last night?" He ask, gesturing to his torn clothes.

Natasha looked at him with sad eyes. She opened her mouth to answer until Clint stood up, "Hold on guys, gotta take a leak,"

* * *

**A/N: Oh Clint, how perfect you are, to end chapters xD **

**A lot of you were confused, since Cap can't get drunk. Hopefully that concern was mostly addressed in this chapter!**

**Please review and let me know how you're liking this, who you may think will make a cameo in this, and what back story you're interested in finding out! Updates will be quicker now, I swear! You're all amazing, with your alerts, and your favourites, and your reviews, love you all!**


	4. and Loki

Clint jogged back to the group, "Ok, so what about Bruce hulking out?" Clint waited for an answer; to be more precise, he was specifically waiting for a sarcastic remark from Natasha, but everyone was silent and the red-head in question was allowing a _minor_ smirk to grace her lips, "What?"

Steve cleared his throat awkwardly as Natasha answered with a smooth and calm tone, "Clint, your fly is down," the archer's eyes widen as he faced away from the group to fix his zipper, "as I was saying…"

* * *

_Bruce and Tony had staggered into the line for the bumper cars. Natasha observed, perched in a nearby tree. She was curious as to why this weekend the hotel had booked both a band and a fair, but she had better things to worry about. She pressed a button on the side of her sunglasses, which doubled as binoculars, and pressed the button of another, listening, device in her ear._

"_I'm sorry sir, but allowing you to drive under the influence is against regulation," the attendant for the bumper cars rides tried explaining to Stark._

_Tony scoffed, "Under the influence? Th'isn't a real car!" He slurred,_

"_Sir, it doesn't matter, it's heavy machinery-"_

"_Ok! Okokokok," Tony roughly slammed his hand on the attendant's shoulder, "my __**bro**__ over here," he hooked his arm roughly around Bruce's neck and pulled him over, "will drive for me! _

_Bruce had had more drinks than he usually let himself have, and he could definitely tell the alcohol was having a serious effect on him. Despite his tipsy state, his mind was clear enough to yell at him through the haze of booze that __**'this isn't a good idea'**__, "Uh, Tony, I-I don't think I feel well enough to-"_

"_Come on, it'll be fun! It'll be a bonding experience between new bros! Bro bonding! Bro-onding? ...Whatever! Come on! -"_

_The mix of the alcohol he had chugged down in a short amount of time and Tony's annoying rambling made Bruce's head pound, "Ok!"_

"_Yeah! Bro's gonna ride bumper cars __**all night **__**long**__!"_

* * *

"Woah, hold up!" Clint interrupted, holding his hands out commandingly, "As much as we all _love_ hearing about 'The Adventures of the Science Bros'," he mocked, using his fingers to make air-quotes while shooting Tony a look that said: 'Dude, what were you thinking?', "I don't really hear too much about _me_," the others were giving him looks of disbelief. He looked at them all and realized he'd made himself sound like a narcissistic jackass- like _Tony_. Trying to repair the damage, he added on, "or Steve, or Thor! I mean, they're probably just as upset as I am!"

Steve and Thor looked at each other, "No not really," the super-soldier responded,

"I enjoy the tales of the 'Sci-ence Bros'," Thor explained, using air-quotes as Clint did, albeit in a more forceful manner. Clint looked at them incredulously as he slumped down into his chair. Surely he wasn't the only one that wanted to know what happened to _themselves specifically_ last night?

Thor noted how the lack of him as a topic during these retellings was making Clint upset. He stared at his brother, who was watching Bruce with a critical eye. Loki felt the gaze on him and turned to his brother, who was looking on at him with sad, big eyes. Loki scowled and did a miniscule shake of his head. Thor's lips sunk lower as their face expression battle waged on until finally, seeing no other way out of this annoying and pointless endeavor, Loki sighed, "If you so desperately want to know what happened to you during that time…"

* * *

_A dog. Loki felt like a dog, on a leash, tied up to a post while his own said 'Stay boy,' and went to stalk two superheroes at the bumper car place. He stood a few feet away from them, unrecognizable from a glance, but sticking out like a sore thumb. He stood, stiff a board while people around him danced, grinding, and chattered happily with one another. He kept his emerald eyes locked on his fool of a brother and the archer beside him still sitting at the bar. _

_Thor had ordered yet another drink and the bartender was getting nervous. The blonde man wasn't sure if the blue-haired god was about to burst out in drunken-craziness at any moment, or if he was some freak that could drink twenty times his own weight in booze. As Thor greedily began chugging a new glass, he patted Clint's shoulder, "My friend, back on Asgard, my friend was renowned for his ways with courting and enchanting women; and I, myself, am quite skilled in said field if I my say so. It appears the Gods have not dealt you the winning hand when it comes to the ability courting young maidens,"_

_Clint clenched his jaw, "Thor, I'm not sure how you do things on Asgard, but here, I am doing just fine," of course that was a load of bull. He had approached the brunette across the room seven times now and she'd either turn around, walked away, __**ran**__ away, or –the last time- thrown her vodka cranberry in his face. So, the last thing he needed right now was for a guy who didn't even know how to properly operate a computer remind him that he's striking out. 'No,' he reminded himself, 'that's not the attitude that chicks dig, she'd come around.' He finished his drink and turned to Thor, "I am not easily assimilated, like a… Top 40's song,"_

"_Top… 40?" Thor questioned, but he was ignored,_

"_I require multiple listens! This is because I am deep, and complex, and have multiple layers. Girls like deep, mysterious, complicated guys! That's why she's doing this, because she needs to know I'm not some loser who will give up on the first try!"_

_Thor nodded in thought, "I apologise, Friend Barton. It's just, back on Asgard, to continue to court a woman after she's expressed her opposition to your advances is considered stalking-"_

"_Well that's not what's happening here!"_

* * *

Clint stared at Loki with his jaw hanging down, ashamed at himself. He always hit on woman, drunk or not; however, hearing about how he hit on women while drunk was a sobering mirror to look into. Natasha wouldn't look at him and shook her head, "Taking a break from 'The Pathetic Attempts by Stalker the Loverboy,' I'd like to continue with my story…"

"Could you tell me why I have a tramp stamp?" Tony asked, thinking she knew. However, her face of confusion and amusement soon made him realise he should have shut up and listened,

"You… you have a tramp stamp?"

"It's a butterfly," Steve informed. Natasha began chuckling and soon everyone else followed. Bruce wanted to, but Tony was giving him a look. Now Bruce wasn't sure what happened last night. The possibilities that he and Tony got married, or had an affair, crossed his mind because the look he was receiving made him feel like a husband under the judgemental watch of his wife. At the very least, it seemed, they became… 'bros', so he figured he'd honor that (whatever that entitled) and try to hide his laughter. The fact that Tony had been letting him experiment in Stark R&D may have also been a factor.

He raised his hand to cover his mouth and withdrew it quickly, muttering an "Ow!"

"What?" Tony questioned,

Hesitantly, as everyone watched him, Bruce raised his hand back up and gently pressed against his nose. It stung, like a bitch, "The heck..? Why didn't any of you tell me I had a broken nose!"

Everyone answered at once, "Didn't notice," "Didn't care," "Wasn't looking hard enough," he couldn't tell who said what lame excuse.

Thor, raised a hand, "Everyone, if we could be so kind as to respect Lady Natasha's wishes to continue another tales from 'The Adventures of Science Bros',"

Natasha just rolled her eyes and took a breath,

* * *

_Bruce and Tony were having fun on the bumper cars._

_Well, that's not entirely true._

_If you were to ask __**Tony**__, he would have said that they were having fun 'Bro-onding'._

_On the other hand, if you were to ask Bruce, he'd explain how for the first time in a __**long**__ time he's had __**more**__ than one too many drinks. Now, he's in this metal cage having other metal cages bash and ram up against his with such force he feared the car would tip over. On top of that, Tony keeps trying to grab the wheel from Bruce because "he's driving like an old woman with her legs cut off," which would be because Bruce had no intention __**ever**__ of stepping on the gas and moving this death trap anywhere._

_So no, Bruce was __**not**__ having fun on the bumper cars._

"_Come on! Lemme drive lemme drive lemme drive! Lemmelemmelemmelemme-"_

"_Tony, __**t**__he office__**r**__ said __**n**__o," Bruce slurred quietly, trying to hint to Tony that his head was about to explode his brains all over Tony's expensive suit,_

"_L-l-l-l-look! The attendant changed shifts! This newb won't care if I drive! Lemme!"_

_Bruce looked down at Tony with squinted eyes. He bared remarkable resemblance to a toddler right now, "Tony," Bruce stopped when another bumper car hit theirs roughly. One of Bruce's hands tightly gripped his car door while the other was pulling his seatbelt tighter. He swallowed back the vomit in the back of his throat and brought his hands up to once again massage his temples; an activity he usually found relaxing, "I don't think it's a good idea for either of us to- __**ahh!**__"_

_Tony had unbuckled his seat belt and reached one hand down to where the gas pedal was, pressing it, and his other hand gripped the wheel to steer it. Being drunk, it didn't occur to him that since his head was facing down because of where his hand was pressing the gas pedal, he couldn't actually see where he was going._

_Bruce watched in horror as they started speeding off from their safe(ish) haven towards the area of the bumper car lot where new people would get their bumper cars. They were headed straight for a young couple walking for their assigned car. At what seemed like the last moment, Bruce gave the steering wheel a violent tug to the right and them swerved, missing the innocent bystanders. Relieved, he let go of the wheel; he didn't realize his mistake until he looked forward and saw they were racing straight to the edge of the circuit._

_Natasha was watching all of this from her perch on the tree and as the car tripped over the border and fell onto the ground, she couldn't help but think that popcorn would have been a good item to have packed. The damaged electrical systems began sizzling and smoking. Natasha pressed another button on her sunglasses/binoculars and the picture she viewed became blue, but she was able to see through the smoke._

_Tony was the first to exit the car. After wiping his palms and the back of his hands all around his head to make sure he wasn't bleeding, he began laughing, "Ah man, __**that was'fun**__!" he slurred, looking down at his friend, "Bruce?" Bruce groaned and tried lifting himself up on shaky arms. Tony came over and helped him up, "There'ya'go,"_

_As soon as Tony let go of Bruce, the doctor collapsed back on the ground and groaned. Tony's eyes widened before slowly kneeling down to help him, "Bruce? You ok? Yo-you're not'gonna Hulk'out on us right?"_

_Bruce looked up at him with wide eyes. Tony jumped back, startled, until he realised Bruce's eyes were still brown, "No, you idiot," he scolding in a harsh whisper, "my ankle, is killing me!"_

_Tony reached down to help Bruce back up, "Isn't this a fun thing? That'was'an __**adventure**__! T…that'was'a __**bro-**__venture!" He continued to ramble on, oblivious to Steve jogging up to them. Jogging is a term used loosely, he was more hopping forward on each foot with the speed of a turtle,_

"_Are," he hiccupped, "are you guys ok?" He asked, hiccupping again. Natasha watched in amusement. She wasn't paying attention to the golden boy scout, how many drinks had he had?_

"_We're __**fine**__, Cap," Tony said, "It seems that Brucey here, he's my __**bro**__. Did you know we're bros, Cap? I know it, and…and __**he **__knows it, so that's all that really matters… but'I…I'gotta tell people, ya know? Like…like I'm proud, ya know?"_

"_Tony, ow!" Bruce interrupted,_

"_Righ-right-righ-righ-right. It also appears that my bro is in pain, but… but do you know what helps with pain Cap?"_

_Steve grinned foolishly, "Is-" he hiccupped again, "is it drinkin' sir?"_

_Tony clapped Steve's back and slurred, "That it'is!" _

* * *

"That explains the ankle," Tony pointed out,

Bruce glared, "Yeah, you got us into a car crash!"

"_I_ did? I didn't pull a sharp right, let go of the wheel thinking everything's fine and dandy, and then let us drive off the edge of the platform!"

"Well, I'm sorry; running over carnival goers isn't on my bucket list!"

Coulson chuckled and looked at Natasha, "Look, the old married couple are fighting again,"

Bruce and Tony shut up, while the aforementioned billionaire glared at the agent in question. Natasha cleared her throat, "May I continue? Great…"

* * *

_Tony and Steve together managed to convince Bruce to chug down another two beers "You're just getting drunk, you won't Hulk out," Tony had told him. Bruce, seeing how Tony gave Steve the ability to drink, thought getting drunk wasn't that bad an idea. So, with reluctance and uncertainty, he took Tony's word for it. He was too tipsy to go to the next level of thinking which would have told him '__**but he is wasted off his ass right now and would probably go hit on that decorative cactus if you told him it was a Russian ballet dancer who lived on one-night stands**__.'_

_At this point, Bruce was on the one hand undeniably drunk, yet on the other, still as Tony would put it 'An intelligent, boring old, introverted, stick-in-the-mud,'. Tony pushed Bruce off into the crowd, hoping that social interactions would get the party animal he knew was hidden inside out of his cage. As he watched Bruce stumble forward like a father would watch his son walk up to school, he soon realised that a 'party' monster isn't the only thing that could be released. He remembered the, what he thought was a, close call after the bumper car crash._

_He patted Steve's shoulder and pointed out to Bruce in the crowd, "Keep an eye on him and let me know if you notice him starting to… look green. I'll be back,"_

_Steve nodded and watched Tony walk to the bar and the young bartender who was growing more and more uncomfortable. The young man was suspicious as to how much these five were drinking and how they weren't off in bathroom stalls drowning in their own vomit. It was like they had inhuman livers or metabolisms… or something he probably should have remembered from science and health class._

_As Tony started walking back, balancing three drinks in his hands, the super-solider guiltily turned his attention to his original mission: Bruce. The doctor looked like he was coming towards them, so Steve just smiled and looked back to Tony, "Didja get me a drink?" He asked happily, eyeing the three in Tony's hands._

_Tony stood in front of him and looked from him to his drinks, "Oh, did you want one?" He sighed, "I'guess you can take one. Go on, take'it!" He chuckled, shoving one of the drunks in Steve's hands._

_He grabbed the drink and took a few gulps, looking over Tony's shoulder back Bruce, who, instead of continuing his trek back to Steve and Tony, turned left. Steve observed him, curious, until he noticed Bruce was clutching his stomach. He tapped Tony's shoulder as Bruce gripped the shoulder of someone who was in front of him, back turned, "Uh, Tony?"_

_The man in front of Bruce turned around and glared at the short, drunk doctor. The man's angry gaze changed into one of shock once he saw Bruce's own face. Tony raised his eyebrows, "Yeah?"_

"_Bruce is looking green,"_

_Natasha turned off the binocular setting on her sunglasses and pressed the device in her ear, "Director Fury, send out Agent Hill. The Hulk is about to be unleashed," _

* * *

"Oh my god," Bruce muttered, holding his head and shaking it. Everyone's mood and expression was solemn as they cast glances at each other.

Coulson however, had his eyebrows together, "Hold on-"

"Wait wait wait!" Clint shouted, standing up. Everyone looked at him expectantly, "I think I left my sunglasses in the hotel room," and he ran back to the front desk to ask if he could be let back into the room they had checked out of.

* * *

**A/N In case it isn't clear, Clint is just going to act like… my scissors. Cutting off chapters where they end. xD**

**Also, so sorry for not updating! However, it is summer, there for there's more free time and I'm less stressed, meaning I can whip up better chapters for you all.**

**Another note: They are drunk. They shall slur their speech. However, imagine if every sentence had 'he slurred' in it. That would be pretty annoying, yes? So, hopefully I have fixed this problem by combining words together, but still separating them with quotation marks. Sample sentence: "That'was'an adventure! T…that'was'a bro-venture!" See, because with slurring, it's like the words are meshed together, but if I just wrote "Thatwasan adventure! T…thatwasa bro-venture!" in my opinion, it makes it harder to read… so hopefully the quotations is ok with everyone and can show that the words are together without you having to try and decipher what the hell I just wrote :)**

**Please Review!**


	5. Agent Hill

**And now the moment you've all been waiting for: WTF is up with the tramp stamp?**

* * *

Clint stomped away from the front desk, "That uptight old hag won't let me go back into our room!"

"Clint, she looks about 24," Natasha clarified,

"So… what happened next?" Bruce asked. His tone wasn't his usual, calm and collected voice, it was sad and nervous.

Natasha batted her eyes and her mouth dropped open, unsure of how to answer, "I… wouldn't know," she responded honestly, "After I made the call to headquarters I was told to take leave of the location with Loki. I didn't feel comfortable leaving everyone in possible danger so I went back to our room,"

"What do you mean 'our room'?" Steve questioned,

"Who cares, let's find out who's behind '**unknown caller'** number 2!" Tony shouted, his voice replicating a game show host. He pressed the redial option on his phone and once again placed it on speaker.

After two rings it picked up, "_Hello?"_ said an unsure, annoyed voice on the other end.

Everyone looked at Tony, "Oh right, _my _phone," he cleared his throat before bringing the mic up to his lips, "uh yeah, hi, who is this?"

"_You called me, who is __**this**__?"_

"I am… Tony Stark," he responded, risking the truth,

"_Stark, this is Agent Hill from S.H.I.E.L.D,"_

"Oh, cool. Wait, how did you get my number-?"

Bruce pushed Tony's face away from the phone and grabbed it, "Uh, M-Ms. Hill?

"_Mrs., Dr. Banner,"_

"Mrs. Hill, uh, would you happen to know what happened with me and the, um, other guy last night?"

"_You mean you don't remember?"_

"Well uh," he adjusted his glasses, "no,"

Tony spoke up again, "So, Mrs. Hill,"

"_That's Agent Hill to you, Stark,"_

Tony gapped at the phone in offence and Clint took over, "Agent, what happened?"

Agent Hill sighed, "Well, I was already at the hotel anticipating Agent Romanoff's call, and I traced where Natasha's call originated from,"

* * *

_Maria Hill followed the GPS tracking to a tree. She began her ascent and perched comfortably on a branch. She balanced the large metal briefcase on the branch beside her and opened it. Inside, she retrieved a S.H.I.E.L.D licensed hunting rifle developed by Stark Industries. She grabbed the scope and laser attachments, able to assemble it in under ten seconds thanks to S.H.I.E.L.D weapon training._

_S.H.I.E.L.D's science division had worked on a prototype tranquilizer for the Hulk back before he was 'employed'; it should be able to put two blue whales into month long comas. It had never actually been tested, and Hill was certain it wouldn't be approved by PETA. She loaded in the tranquilizer dart and looked through the scope. She pressed the device in her ear to hear what was being said._

_Bruce was hunched over in front of a man. Hill had a clear shot and brought her finger to the trigger, "Jesus Christ! What the fuck, asshole?" The man in front of Bruce cussed, looking down at himself. Hill adjusted the scope and saw vomit on the man's shirt, "You jackass, who the fuck you think you are?"_

_Tony Stark came into the scene, "Bruce, Bruce you ok? Look buddy," he said, addressing the man Bruce threw up on, "my friend had a'__**lot**__'to drink tonight,"_

_Bruce regained his composure and stood up straight, looking at the man, "I…I'm'so'sorry, I don't know what came over-OW!"_

_The man's rage boiled over, and he punched Bruce, square in the face,_

* * *

"That would explain your nose…" Thor stated,

Bruce scoffed, massaging it gently, "No kidding,"

"How much more do you know?" asked Steve,

No one but Natasha could sense the smile in Maria's voice as she continued, _"Enough,_

* * *

"_Hey! What was that for? Un-uncalled for! Th-hat was un__**called**__ for," Tony slurred at the man,_

"_You know what's uncalled for? You nerd friend hacking his lunch all over my fucking shirt! I'm calling the manager and getting you kicked out," he informed them, his voice cocky and sure,_

"_Hey, what's your name kid?" Tony asked in a calm and collected voice,_

"_Jeff,"_

"_Jeff? Ok, hey, Jeff? Good luck with that, because if the manager __**does**__ choose to throw us out? I'll buy the damn place," he snapped both his fingers, "just like that. You know why?" He leaned into Jeff's ear and whispered, "I'm Tony Fucking Stark,"_

_Jeff merely laughed, "So? You think just 'cause ya rich you're better than everybody?"_

"_Yes,"_

"_He does," Bruce added,_

_Jeff ignored him, "I could kick your ass at anything,"_

_Tony raised an eyebrow; wasted as hell or not, he had honor and a reputation to uphold. He looked around the party and spotted something to his liking, "You play video games?"_

* * *

Everyone looked at Tony, "What?" They asked in disbelief,

* * *

"_What?" asked Bruce as they made their way over to the games area, where a giant big screen TV was set up._

_Tony draped his arm around Bruce's shoulder again as they stumbled along, "Bro, brobrobrobrobro-"_

"_What?" Bruce repeated in a more aggravated voice,_

"_Right, do you know… how __**rich**__… I am?"_

_The doctor struggled to remember through the cloud of alcohol that was invading his mind, "Uh… very,"_

"_**Very**__ very," he corrected, "and… and do you know how much of that I spent on video games?" Without waiting he continued, "If this guy can beat me-" he was cut off when he walked into Jeff's back. They had entered the gaming area, "If __**you**__ can beat me," Tony shoved his finger into the guy's chest, who puffed it out and swatted Tony's hand away, "you have-"_

"_Not a chance. When I win, I decide what you get,"_

"_And…and if I win? I-I decide what you get…?" Tony's stance tried to make it look like a command, but he left it off as a question,_

"_Deal," Jeff took Tony's hand and roughly shook it before taking a seat on one of the bean bags, "so old man, you ever play Call of Duty?"_

* * *

"Of course I've played Call of Duty!" Tony said, "I must'a handed that douche's ass to him, right?"

Hill chuckled on the other end and Tony's face fell,

* * *

"_Man, I hope you're just twice as wasted as I thought you were because you're playing worse than anyone I've ever seen," Jeff remarked as their game was nearing the end._

_Tony was wasted, heavily wasted, Hill could tell that. From her position it looked as if Tony had never seen a game controller in his life. Mercifully, the match ended, and Jeff stood up to face the crowd that had gathered, clearly the victor. He turned to face Tony, who Bruce lifted up since Tony seemed unaware the match had ended, "Alright," Jeff laughed, clapping his hands together. He beckoned someone over, one of his friends, and introduced the two, "Mr. Stark, this is my friend Steve," a mischievous smile grew on his face, "Steve is a tattoo artist,"_

* * *

Everyone, except Tony, began snickering as the playboy shifted deeper in his seat, as if he could make no one remember the tramp stamp if he buried it well enough in the cushion.

"One more mystery solved," Steve pointed out, "and that's all you know Mrs. Hill?"

"Well, almost," Natasha said for the other Agent,

* * *

_Hill brought out her Bluetooth and dialed up Natasha, "Negative on the Hulk, it looks like his state of inebriation doesn't emphasize his anger,"_

"_Thank you for the update Agent. Uh-" Natasha cleared her throat, trying to restrain her concern and regain her professional composure, "how's Clint?"_

"_One moment, Agent Romanoff," Hill looked through the scope again and spotted Barton talking to a brunette woman near the gaming area, and the woman looked thoroughly disgusted. It was the same woman Clint had been hitting on all night,_

"_Yeah, I could totally beat both of them, with my awesome aim," Clint boasted to the annoyed brunette, "Oh, how rude," the girl scoffed as if to say 'Yeah, no kidding,' "All this time I've been talking to you, and I haven't even told you my name, I'm Clint. Clint Barton, also known as Hawkeye, maybe you've heard of me," _

_The girl rolled her eyes and stalked off, towards her group of friends, leaving Clint, rejected, in the middle of the crowd._

* * *

"It was her!" Clint shouted out. Everyone looked at him confused and he elaborated, "The girl I kept hitting on, I'll bet anything that…" the glare from Natasha made him bite back a certain curse word, "woman filed my quiver with tampons,"

"While that is a possibility, we still need to find out about Friend Steve's womanly attire," Thor reminded, "and why Friend Bruce's clothing was torn to threads,"

"Hopefully the next person will have the answer," Bruce suggested,

Everyone nodded in agreement, "Thanks for your help Mrs. Hill," Steve shouted as Tony pressed the off button, "That was rude, you just hang up without saying bye?"

"Not my problem," was his simple reply as he scrolled back to the top of the 'Missed Calls' list.

"Wait! I think I see that girl!" Clint shouted, standing up and sprinting out the front doors of the hotel.

* * *

**I was re-watching Iron Man. When it's the scene after Pepper pushes the button and the arc reactor makes a giant beam into the sky all I can think of now is: he must'a built a portal all the way to Asgard.**

**So yeah, review, tell me how you feel about the story, you know why? Because he's **_**Tony Fucking Stark. ^_^**_


	6. JARVIS

Clint marched back from outside and sat on the couch. Everyone stared at him expectantly, Natasha specifically was wondering why he wasn't blabbering on. Clint looked down at the ground and rubbed the back of his head, "Oh, um," he cleared his throat and spoke in a whisper, "That, uh, wasn't actually a _girl_… more like a man with really long hair…" the other heroes began snickering around him, "Look, can we just call the next person?"

Tony, busy sending his buddy a teasing stare, hit the redial button. Immediately after the first ring, it picked up, "_Good morning, sir,"_

"JARVIS?" Tony looked away from Clint and down at the number he had called, "Huh, how did I not notice that?"

Steve leaned over to Bruce, "Um, who's Jarvis?"

"JARVIS is Tony's personal AI-" he saw Steve's look of confusion, "Like a… robot…" the war hero simply nodded; he just chalked it up as either normal for the 21st century or for Tony Stark.

Clint's eyes widened, "Dude, your house can _call_ you?"

"Sir JARVIS," Thor interrupted, "may we inquire you about to the events of last night?"

"How the hell is he… it going to know?" Clint questioned,

"_Actually, I can replay the recording you asked of me from last night, Mr. Stark,"_

Everyone looked at Tony questioningly; he was just as confused, "Uh… sure, go for it, JARVIS,"

"Wait, how did you record it, I thought Agent Coulson took away your phone?"

Everyone nodded, recalling what the S.H.I.E.L.D agent told them a few moments ago, "_Mr. Stark never leaves the house without more than one cell phone or pager device,"_

* * *

_Tony held out his phone, recording the happenings on stage, "Are you getting this JARVIS?"_

"_Yes, sir,"_

"_Oh man do they suck," he watched on in amusement as drunk party-goer after drunk party-goer would get on stage and stumble around instead of dancing, and mumble slurs instead of singing. Everyone up there probably had a sober friend in the audience with a grudge and wicked sense of humor. Then, a metaphorical light bulb went off over Tony's head. He managed to, clumsily, put his phone in his jacket pocket and sprint off to the bar._

_Steve Rogers, still at the bar, was on his who-knows-how-many drink, _

* * *

"It was his fault," everyone turned to Steve, "this," he held up the bag that held the dress, "was Tony's fault,"

"Hey, we don't know that!" Stark defended,

"Though it's probably true," Natasha added,

Coulson decided to bring everyone back on track, because that was one of the many refined skills of a S.H.I.E.L.D agent. The fact that he really wanted to know how Stark fucked things up had almost nothing to do with it… "Perhaps we should let JARVIS finish the recording,"

"_Thank you, Agent Coulson,_

* * *

_Steve Rogers, still at the bar, was on his who-knows-how-many drink. Tony couldn't hold back his snickering as he came up behind the super-soldier. Steve clumsily managed to spin his chair around without falling off it to face whoever tapped him, "Oh… oh'hey'Tony,"_

"_He-ey there Steve," Steve gave Tony a drunken, dopey smile, "did you see what all those people are doing over there?"_

_Steve hadn't noticed Tony's tone changed to that as if he was talking to a small child, "No…" Steve also didn't notice that his tone changed to that __**of **__**a**__ small child,_

"_They're doing karaoke… they had that back in the day, right old man?"_

"_Uh…"_

"_Of course they did," he cut off, not patient enough to hear the answer even when he was wasted, "so you remember how much fun it is, right Steve?"_

"_Uh… y-yeah?"_

_Tony clapped the Captain's shoulder, "Atta boy. So, why don't you go up there, and I'll pick a song for you?" Steve looked unsure and Tony noticed this. Oh… oh no. There was __**no way**__ Tony was going to miss this blackmail opportunity, "Come on, champ, why don't you finish down that drink and get up on stage?"_

_Steve looked up at Tony. Now, normally, Steve would have, in his own polite way, told Tony to go screw himself because there was little to no chance Stark was just trying to be nice. However, it's fairly obvious that this situation wasn't a normal one and, in Steve's alcohol induced haze, his eyes showed him this magical land were everyone was happy, there were unicorns frolicking all over the place and Tony Stark was man's best, and most trust worthy friend, "Sure!"_

"_Great, ever heard of Britney Spears?" Steve shook his head as he tried to stand up. Tony pulled his friend's arm over his shoulders and began leading him away to the stage, "Ah, don't worry about, just wing it. You can't do any worse than her," Steve nodded slowly, pretending to understand. When he saw the glowing lights of the stage, he made a move for it, but Tony held him back, "Whoa there, partner; you can't go there dressed like that,"_

"_I-I can't?"_

_Tony chuckled, but Steve didn't notice, "No, no you can't, you have to dress the part,"_

* * *

Steve glared at Tony as the others tried, and failed, to hold back their laughter, "Now how did I know this was coming?"

"How did you even get a dress?" Bruce asked,

"_Mr. Stark had procured it from one of the other guests,"_ JARVIS informed. Natasha glared at Tony in disgust as he and Clint shared a high-five, "_I feel it important to clarify that the previous owner of the attire in question had gone in the pool and left her dress on a chair, where Mr. Stark stole it," _

Clint looked over at Tony, "Meh, still counts," the only female in the room rolled her eyes as the two 'boys' high fived once again,

"So, Tony made me put on a dress and sing Britney Spears?"

"_That is correct Mr. Rogers, shall I play the video?_"

"Yes!" Tony and Clint shouted

Steve glared at them, "No!"

"_Very well, Mr. Rogers, but may I inform you that Mr. Stark has already uploaded the video to YouTube, with over 10 million hits and steadily climbing?"_

Captain America stared at the phone in disbelief, his jaw hanging open. There goes his reputation; everything he worked hard to stand for was tarnish and thrown away, "You're famous now!" Clint praised,

Steve glared, "I was famous enough before,"

Clint scoffed, "Yeah, but who cares about that? This is way more important! JARVIS, send me a link to that video!"

"_Very good, Mr. Barton. Should I also send you the audio clip regarding your quiver?"_

The archer snatched the phone from his friend's hand, "What are you talking about?"

* * *

"_Oops, I did it again~"_

_Tony chuckled as he taped Steve's performance, "Man I should put this on YouTube. Or maybe that's taking things to far…"_

"_Oh baby, baby~"_

"_No, no YouTube is good," As he tried to focus on his friend's demise, he was having a hard time hearing Steve's wonderful rendition while high pitch, girlish giggles were coming from a few feet over. Tony was sure that if he couldn't even hear Steve, then the phone was only picking up whatever those people were saying. He spun around on his heel, almost toppling over. There was a group of women, __**gorgeous women**__, giggling not too far away from him,_

"_Oh my gosh, did you __**really**__?" asked a blonde one._

_The tallest one, a brunette, answered with a smirk, "Yep. That douche was bugging me all night, I think he's like, a stalker,"_

"_But he said he was __**Hawkeye**__!"_

_The tall brunette scoffed at her shorter friend, "Please, Hawkeye wouldn't be so rude. The **real** Hawkeye is a suave, sophisticated man," she gushed, "anyways, so this freak following me around sees Captain America up there singing Britney Spears,"_

"_Oh wow… that's Captain America? Well, I don't have a crush on him anymore…" said the blonde._

_The red-haired woman shook her head, "No way, I have a __**bigger**__ crush on him! Look at him, totally shameless! He just does what he wants, not caring about judgement, it's inspirational!"_

_The tall brunette cleared her throat again, "As I was saying, so the stalker is all like 'I can sing better than him,' and I'm just trying to go to the washroom and get away from him! So he clearly doesn't care, shoves his arrow holder thing in my arms and says, 'I'll be right back gorgeous,' and races to the stage," the other girls start giggling, knowing where this was going, "So, before he gets back, I go to the washroom, buy like… a million tampons and replace his stupid wanna-be arrows with them. When he gets back he's giving me some stupid excuse about how his friend Tony Stark-"_

"_Yeah right, like he know Tony Stark," the blonde scoffed,_

"_Exactly, so he's saying the Tony Stark is recording everything and he doesn't want to go on stage anymore, so I play along, give him his arrow-holder thing, and when he's busy laughing at Steve Rogers-"_

_The red-head interrupts, "That jerk!"_

"_I know! So while he does that, I totally ditched!"_

* * *

Clint squinted his eyes, "Wow… her voice…"

"Like nails on a chalk board," Natasha agreed, "nice choice, Barton,"

"Well I didn't know she was that… annoying,

"And idiotic,"

"I just…"

"Saw her body and who cares about anything after that?" Clint just opted to stop talking as he tried to avoid Natasha's judging glare. He couldn't explain why, but he felt bad.

Thor spoke up, "So, we now know of Friend Steve's dress and Friend Barton's quiver… now… why was Friend Bruce's attire torn to shreds?"

Bruce nodded, "Yeah… and why did we come here in the first place?"

"I believe I can answer that,"

Everyone looked behind them to see that the voice came from-

"Oh hey! That person has a laptop! Maybe I can see Steve's video on YouTube!" Clint shouted, running after a hotel guest,

* * *

**A/N: Gasp, who was it? Yeah, shitty cliff-hanger… I apologize, but hey, have fun guessing who it is! There is one (maybe two, depends) chapters left! I know, I feel our time together was short, but sweet xD**

**Anywho, please review, thanks for the alerts and favourites, and if anyone of you would be interested in reading a Bruce/OC fic or Loki/OC fic that I'm in the process of writing, just mention it in your review, since I don't know whether to post it or not ^^. **

**Ok, enough shameless advertisement. Thanks, **_**thanks a million**_** for all your support as this story wraps up, you guys are the **_**best**_**.**


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